People You Meet At the Gym #1 - The Screamer

The Screamer is one of the more annoying yet elusive characters at the gym. What makes the Screamer most elusive perhaps is that one cannot usually predict who a "screamer" will be. Sometimes the Screamer is fat and balding, but he could very well be the most well-built man at the gym. The Screamer has even been known to be as young as a high school senior and as old as a senior citizen - you never know, until you hear the scream.

It usually starts out as a slight, low-pitched grunt while the Screamer is engaging in his weight lifting exercise of choice. As the repetitions increase, the sound of the grunt escalates, becoming a crescendo that can be ultimately described as a guttural shout one might expect of a man getting raped in a prison yard. The Screamer is never happy until he has the attention of the entire gym on him. He will continue to scream until every single member has looked his way. He thinks that their stares are complimentary, and they serve to further encourage his cries. What the Screamer does not realize, however, is that nearly everyone at the gym (except for other Screamers, of course), is actually internally making fun of the Screamer. What makes the Screamer so amusing is that the amount of weight that he is lifting is not nearly enough to warrant a scream, if a scream were ever to be warranted at all. Usually the amount of weight the Screamer will have stacked on his leg press for instance, is much less than my grandmother could handle; and in all honesty, if it's that heavy, why doesn't he try taking some weight off???

Also noticeable is the facial expression that accompanies the screams. The Screamer will contort his countenance in an expression that can only be described as CONSTIPATED. His brows furrow, his nose crinkles, his eyes squeeze shut, and his lips curl back exposing his teeth. Oftentimes there will be a slight "hissing" escaping the clenched teeth after the scream, but this is not always required.

What IS required is that every other Screamer in the gym, spurred on by the mating call of the first Screamer, feels the need to enter the shouting competition, where they all attempt to outdo each other as the loudest, baddest mo' fo' at the gym.

So to all you Screamers out there that make a visit to the gym incomprehensibly uncomfortable, WE'RE NOT IMPRESSED!